The question we get asked most here at Tester Central – after ‘When are you going to be finished?’ – is ‘Wow, software testing sounds so glamorous and mysterious, what is it you actually do all day?’ To answer that question for our dozens of adoring fans, we’ve put together a typical daily schedule, which should clarify testing work and its real world applications.
9 am: Those of us who weren’t up late the night before consulting for CERN or collecting a Nobel Prize get into the office around this time. The first order of business is usually brewing a pot of kopi luwak, which we make ourselves in cooperation with the family of Asian palm civets who spend the summer holidaying on the Brighton seafront only steps from our office. In the winter we drink Irn-Bru.
9.15 am: Sometimes Batman needs us to help him punch petty criminals in the face in Gotham (it happens more often that you’d think), but if the red phone stays silent, we start testing. Every day is different; whereas last week we were running beta tests on Stark Industries’ new [redacted] for the Avengers, this week we get to pressure test LexCorp’s redesigned website. You’re all going to be so surprised when you find out what Mr Luthor has in store for you!
1 pm: We get an hour for lunch, which we often spend in our secret lab somewhere in Epicentre Towers designing potato-powered robots to collect and take out the recycling. We’re a very green company. So far we’ve only had one go rogue and attempt to destroy humanity, but we feel it’s a justified cost of SCIENCE (sorry, Worthing).
2 pm: Once a month we spend our afternoon doing charity work for the people, and like with everything else we do, we put the ‘human’ into our funitarian efforts. And by ‘human’, we mean a global digital defence network. It’s designed to eliminate the possibility of human error in military operations, and we anticipate saving countless lives by handing the whole of our species’ wellbeing into the robotic hands of an emotionless death machine. We’re just ironing out the last few bugs in the system’s neural network; activation is scheduled for August 12. The working name is ‘Earthnet’, but we’re open to other suggestions.
5.30 pm: Home time! At the end of such a busy day we’re usually too exhausted to do anything other than go home and continue work on solving the seven Clay Mathematics Institute Millennium Problems (look out, Reimann Hypothesis, we’re on to you!), but after such a fulfilling day saving the world through QA, we don’t need anything else.
If you too would like the code to our secret SCIENCE laboratory, Epicentre is currently hiring a Digital QA Analyst. Must like cats.