The world’s finest scientific minds at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have come together to invent possibly the most important robotic device of the twenty-first century.
Just kidding. An MIT graduate student and his professor have merely developed a robot that’s designed to find drugs underwater. Seriously. More accurately, they can use ultrasound to find concealed hiding places in ships from outside the hulls. We get that drugs are bad, m’kay, but when we’re talking about technology coming from a place where even the janitors roam the halls randomly solving unsolvable mathematical problems on chalkboards, we’d like to think they could set the bar a little higher. NASA is still hiring, for instance, but it’s probably fair to say that the DEA pays better.
Meanwhile, cancer ‘sniffing’ technology, based on dogs’ bizarre ability to sniff out illness in humans, has been years in the making. But that’s okay, because these new drug robots, funded by the National Science Foundation, will be cheap and 3D-printable. This is crucial for a government that spends almost three times as much money on the ‘war on drugs’ as it does cancer research. Just be sure to get your drugs out of the bathtub before these little ’bots go into mass production.