With Valentine’s Day just round the corner, we thought we’d suggest a few gifts for the deadly sinner in your life. So light the scented candles, pop open the champagne (other sparkling wine products are also available) and use this handy guide to make 2015 your most romantic year yet… maybe.
PRIDE: Any Apple product. No seriously, Apple devotees need no further excuse to wave their phones in front of people’s faces while shouting out the cost.
ENVY: The Kim Kardashian: Hollywood! game. Do you have an aspiring celebutard in your life? Would you like them to shut up about what new clothing line or perfume Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton has just come out with, and spend their time staring silently at their phone instead? This game will make that happen. (Caveat: According to the reviews, the in-game husband is too needy and always insists on buying more clothes. Caveat the second: The in-game husband is Kanye West.)
WRATH: The internet. Point your loved one to any comments section or 4Chan in general and enjoy the head steaming and face melting that will most certainly ensue.
SLOTH: Augmented Reality. Evernote’s CEO is fully embracing the concept of ‘augmented reality’, wherein the user must do as little as possible to find the most information possible, leading to a bunch of lazy people who sound like they know a lot of stuff, but actually just plagiarised it from Wikipedia.
GREED: A Steam account. The best way to ruin someone financially is a Steam account and a credit card. Wait for a sale and your sweetheart will do all the work for you.
GLUTTONY: The Pizza Hut Subconscious Menu. This one has its fair share of sloth, but now you can order a pizza merely by thinking about it and without having to waste precious time deciding what you want to eat when you could be using it to shove cheese-covered bread plates into your massive gob.
LUST: Remind them how much they’re like Wesley Crusher to your Commander Riker.
Happy Valentine’s Day!